listen to me,
he said, listen –
return my uniform the
hat the gloves all of it no
i’m not no i’m not
coming home no they can’t
never mind that i’ll tell you
later just return it they won’t
they, listen, they said
the doctor he said they
weren’t going to pursue the
transplant option
his exact words this was
ten minutes ago maybe twenty
i’m not sure, i don’t wear a
watch do you know
what time it is?
2
a cyclist very
pretty & young like
nineteen or thirty waited
at a red light &
smiled at you she heard
me say i missed you &
we should go out
sometime like on a
date & we guessed at
what she must have thought
& the age of her parents right
up until you got on
the streetcar –
we said good night &
i never asked you out
again.
3
now lights are
burning out, our
friends are turning
dead, you won’t
take off your clothes
& let me see –
the scar the one
i gave you high up
on your hip, i really have
to see it, was it
ever really there?
4
i knew my
blood would prove
how deep my
feelings ran: you watched
me slash myself, you
stood & watched me
bleed & you knew i’d
never make you happy.
5
the men are over
sixty-five I beat them
with a cane, they
bruise they beg they
go back home
kiss wives & watch
tv & everybody wonders
what went wrong.
6
like a telegram in
a black & white
movie she sounds
like this:
don’t open your
mouth STOP i told
you not to speak STOP
you’re such a
fucking loser you’re
acting like a bitch STOP
i mean it STOP close your
fucking mouth.
7
i sent you a
text: i don’t have
subway fare to get
to your place &
you sent a text: i
don’t have subway
fare for you to get home
so we have to wait for
money & you refuse
phone sex
7
it’s not what kids
imagine you sleep in
real life back to
back the woman usually
like a boomerang –
there’s no sleeping in
her arms or sleeping
in your arms i
mocked the very notion
but she did sleep in
my arms every night until
she left the country &
there’s no point in
pretending i’m cool.
8
they cut into me 3
times in 3 days the
final time i was
thrashing like a landed
trout & after that i
saw a nurse twice a
week she tended the
wound & much later an
mri scan searched my
body in vain for the hose they
said they’d planted after 3
tries & they asked me
did i take it out did the
nurse take it out? & i said
you forgot to put it
in at which point we agreed
to disagree & the subject has been
dead ever since.
TOM WALMSLEY 